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This is nuts: Microplastics have been found in everything from breast milk to bloodstreams and, now, testicles. One study found microplastics in every single participant’s sperm factory, and researchers think it might be messing with fertility. How do they get there? Through your food, water, and the air you breathe. There’s no escape.

Gross stat: You might be eating a credit card’s worth of plastic every week—around 5 grams, according to the World Wildlife Fund. That’s 113,743 invisible plastic flakes a year. Wish I could say I was busting your balls, but that’d be the plastic. (Perfect for when you’re trying to build credit though).

However, some researchers say these are overestimations by several orders of magnitude.

The voice in your head might be saying:
“This is freaking me out, man. Are we all just walking piñatas of plastic shards?”
Or maybe:
“Who cares? Everything’s toxic anyway, I’ll just YOLO it.”

Which story do you choose—the anxious one or the indifferent one? Scientists aren’t sure what microplastics are doing to us yet, but early clues aren’t great. These plastic specks might cause inflammation, mess with fertility, and show up in places they definitely shouldn’t—like semen. Add that to the existential crisis pile.

But do microplastics cause all these problems? Maybe. Maybe not. The jury’s still out. There’s so much chaos in the modern world (hello, processed foods and TikTok rabbit holes) that it’s hard to pinpoint a single culprit.

Still, think about it: plastics bring a toxic squad with them—flame retardants, BPA, etc. Studies in mice link microplastics to gut inflammation and cognitive issues. In humans? Early findings suggest they could mess with sperm counts, contribute to heart attack risks, or even hang out in your bloodstream like chill guys.

Knowing these invaders are small enough to infiltrate my cells—and bring their toxic baggage—is enough reason for me to start cutting them out of your life.

You might be thinking: “Avoid plastic? LOL, good one.” It’s almost impossible. But dialing it down? Totally doable. Here’s how I’m starting:

Immediate Wins:

• Stop microwaving plastic: Hot plastic = flaky plastic = plastic soup.

• Go old-school in the kitchen: Glass or metal over plastic. And maybe stop nuking your food in your old lasagne-stained plastic Tupperware.

• Clean your damn room: Dust is basically tiny plastic flakes. Vacuum more.

• Do Less Laundry: Wash less often, run full loads (reduces friction), and air-dry with a drying rack to minimize microfibers.

• Avoid Single-Use Plastics: Use reusable containers like Bee's Wrap for food storage.

• Drink Tap Water: It’s not Kool-Aid you’re drinking and plastic water bottles are a scam.

Level-up Moves:

• Select Plastic-Free Beauty Products: Avoid microbeads; try natural exfoliants like oatmeal or sugar scrubs.

• Choose Hard Flooring Over Carpets: Carpets keep in dust and plastics so use HEPA-filter vacuums.

• Use Non-Plastic Kitchenware: Switch to wooden cutting boards (anti-microbial so more sanitary than plastic too) and durable cookware like cast iron skillets.

• Avoid Traditional Glitter: The largest buyer of glitter in the world is… The US military. If I mysteriously get in a car crash next week, tell my kids they missed out on a great dad.

• Go less processed: The more steps your food took before it hit your plate, the more plastic-kissing opportunities it had.

Governments are stepping in, too. The EU is banning products intentionally loaded with microplastics—like that sparkly, non-biodegradable glitter that ends up in your eye creases on Halloween. The UN is cooking up a global treaty to reduce plastic pollution. Maybe we’ll all look back in a few years and say, “Remember when we ate plastic like it was a side dish?”

What Reddit has to say:

1. In 1m years, the giveaway that human remains are from our period will be microplastics.

2. Whoever figures out how to remove microplastics from people is gonna make bank.

Measuring the Chaos

If you’re wondering how plastic you are, Bryan Johnson’s blood test has the answer - the first "microplastics" test - a finger-prick blood test. It’s basically a reality check to see how screwed you are. If it comes back saying, “Congrats, you’re 10% Nalgene bottle,” you might be motivated to step up your anti-plastic game.

Bonus: My favorite meme of the week.

Jacob & The Renewal team

How’d we do? 🔥 Fire | 💡 Decent | 😴 Snooze | 🤡 Cringe

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